This is a question that shall be pondered upon closely and comprehensively through different directions such as philosophy of creation, psychology and even sociology. But to be short I mention a very simple Argument first as the short answer in which lies the comprehensive answer then I’ll give the more detailed answer Insha’Allah.

Simple Argument: There shall be a maintainer and a maintained in family. They cannot be the same (both maintainer or both maintained, because they are different in nature and capabilities, so they shall have different responsibilities). Now that when one is maintainer and the other is maintained we reach to a common law:

In all societies the maintained asks permission from the maintainer and it is the maintainer who gives orders unless they exchange their position.


The detailed answer:

Why should women ask permission from men for everything?

Firstly, if a person specially a woman asks this question because she feels there is some sorts of contempt in being obedient to a husband, or even it is against women’s rights, the answer to her/him is that the spirit of obedience is not at all a proof of humiliation or contempt, that is, there is no humiliation in a woman’s obedience to a man. Also, God has ordered his Ummah to obey the Messenger and saints.
“Obey Allah and obey the Messenger and the guardian of your command” {Surah Nissa’, verse 59}
Also, children’s obedience to parents does not mean contempt for children. In society, we have other cases of obedience, and this is due to different aspects that exist in people. For example, a doctor obeys an architect in building a building, or he obeys a repairman to repair his car and implements his opinion, or vice versa.
People esp. couples need each other due to various issues that exist in them. In the comparison of men and women, due to the differences in abilities and potentials in various subjects, one is to obey the other, and it does not mean contempt.
It is not either against women’s right because based on their creation they are about to be the maintainers for women and if it is so then it is absolutely compatible to their right to ask for permission for doing sth which is beyond their responsibility.

Secondly, wife’s obedience to her husband is valid only if the husband does not order his wife sth against Shariah law or God’s command. Then when it comes to going out of the house, wearing clothes, and doing what is recommended, she should be obedient to her husband, unless the husband asks her to go out without observing the hijab or wearing sexy clothes, in which case obedience is not necessary. It is a woman who is permanently married to a man to ask his permission to go out of the house, except for a few cases that are excluded and mentioned in the books. Therefore, it is not the case that a woman should absolutely ask permission from her husband for everything.

Thirdly, The Hikamh (philosophy) behind this rule:

The family is a social unit like a large community that must have a leader and supervisor; because the multiplicity of leaders and supervisors in small social environments such as family and even in large populations causes dispersion and corruption. Therefore, inevitably, one person must be in charge of the head of the family and managing the life affairs of its members. It is natural that the head of a collection makes decisions about important issues and others must obey his orders. Now we have to see which of the men and women has the authority to lead and take care of the family and what Islam has given in this regard.
The Holy Quran paid attention to this issue and explicitly ordered that the head of the family should be a man; {Surah Nissa’, verse 34} because of the characteristics that God has given them in relation to women ( their creation which is suitable for outside work, also because he has masculine pride, and he is supposed to be the breadwinner).
Another very effective factor in a man’s supervision and management of the family is that he is usually able to meet the needs and manage the family members in a dignified manner. Providing for life is the most difficult issue that has always affected families. A man’s physical and mental strength is required to work and earn more, and it makes him provide suitable facilities to meet the needs of his wife and children. That is, the man’s management of the family is due to paying for the family members’ living expenses, which he earned through hard work. Except for special cases, women usually do not have the ability to manage family affairs; On the other hand, in terms of the serious and valuable responsibility of raising children and keeping the heart of the family warm, God has blessed women with qualities such as kindness of soul, compassion, tolerance, and self-sacrifice, so that she can, in the light of having these qualities, to fulfill her role as a kind wife and mother well; The same responsibility that men cannot do.

The point to be mentioned is the verses and traditions referring to the type of man and woman; This means that the man should be the head of the family, but some men may not be able to manage the house due to illness, insanity, mental disorders, and the like, and on the other hand, the woman can take care of the house. In such cases, there is no obstacle for the woman to be the head of the family.