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Ethics (Akhlaq)

Guardianship of Men over Women 

Conflict between men and women has always been a conflict of intellect and emotion. And in most cases, the subtle feminine emotions prevail over the masculine calculus rationality.

A few sentences about the guardianship of men over women:

The authority of men over women is a Qur’anic ruling that refers to the supervision and management of men over family affairs and the management of women’s affairs and meeting their needs.

In verse 34 of surah Nissa’, the position, responsibilities and duties of a man in the family are discussed. This verse also examines the reciprocal duties of the wife towards her husband, as well as the way to protect the family from collapse.

The general purpose of strengthening the institution of the family is considered to be the most important wisdom of the authority and guardianship of men over women. According to this view, anything that strengthens and stabilizes the institution of the family will be considered by the Shari’a; For this reason, according to the natural characteristics of men, God has entrusted the task of providing for the needs of the family (alimony) and managing it to men, and in return, he has asked women to accompany men to strengthen the family institution, including that the wife is in a house determined by the man, provided that it is commensurate with the dignity of the wife.

It is also logically impossible for two persons’ idea to be executed when they disagree on an issue. Rather, one side must be taken. For this reason, God has given this right in the first stage to the husband who has custody and responsibility of his family and wife (this condition shall be met, otherwise his guardianship is null and void), and in the next stage to the wife. Therefore, rationally, in times of dispute, there is no choice but to prefer the vote of one person over another. However, the problem is that preference must be accompanied by criteria. And the preferences of men over women in cases of dispute include what was mentioned above. These preferences are rooted, however, in creational difference i.e. women are different from men in terms of creation, including the fact that men are generally physically stronger and have a sense of consistency with their wife and children, while women have a softer spirit and stronger feelings. It is clear that there may be conflict between these two creations. Now, if you are in the place of God and the Prophet as the legislator and you had no choice but to choose one side, which one would you choose and how would you give priority?

Of course, there are exceptions to what has been said:

For example

There are women who are much stronger physically, mentally and spiritually than men

There are men who do not have the ability to consolidate women, and they are an exception to this general rule.

In cases where the man makes the wrong decision, such as choosing an inappropriate name for the child, the wife can refer to the law and object to the law and the ruler of the sharia, which is in higher authority than both men and women.

What is the solution?

All that has been said above is in the position of law and ruling, and the law is for the critical and minimal conditions and for the last stage. It is clear that men and women in the family cannot be consistent with their lives by law, but must deal with each other morally and in many cases have self-sacrifice.

Ideally, in the case you said this can be prescribed as a solution:

  • First, the woman tries to convince the man in various legitimate and logical ways that giving an Islamic name to the child is very valuable. These ways include:

– The elder mediator or the local cleric or someone whom the man accepts and respects.

– Gentle but persuasive talk to husband. In many cases, women can convince their husbands with soft language, but the problem is that mostly neither women nor men know how to interact and understand each other, and work in the early stages to quarrels and fights and stubbornness.

  • When a man sees that something is told logically and in correct way he must accept.
  • In some cases, both men and women can vote in the same case. For example, in the case of a child’s name, two names can be chosen for him. In Iran, for example, the father chooses one name for the child and the mother chooses another. And of course, the name of the birth certificate (because the right of guardianship is for the father in the first stage for the same reasons mentioned above) is chosen by the father and the other name is given by the mother. And it is interesting to know that usually the power of a mother with love and gentleness in leading the house is far more than men if women learn the way. Conflict between men and women has always been a conflict of intellect and emotion. And in most cases, the delicate feminine motivating emotions prevail over the masculine calculus rationality.
  • Eventually, if these steps do not work, one should finally sacrifice oneself for the sake of the family and not to lose the peace and resentment of the spouse and family. Of course, falling short of your opinion when you know your opinion is correct is for the final stages. And there are two cases if the difference is not very important and vital, such as the case of the child’s name (it is clear that naming is one of the hundreds of components of education). If we cannot succeed in naming our child Islamic we must bear in mind that educating them morally, spiritually and knowledgably Islamic is much more important. Then let’s not sacrifice these for minor issues.

Mothers in the family are very influential in raising their children because they deal more with their children. This has been proven by history. The man ascends to Mi’raaj from the skirt of woman.

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